For most of my pregnancy I didn’t think too much about delivery. I knew it was far away and that it was inevitable. But as my due date came closer I found myself getting increasingly nervous about William’s birth. 

Like millions of women before me I was nervous about the how. Would it go smoothly? Would it be natural or by C-section? How would the epidural be? Would there be complications? Omg am I going to tear?

That’s what makes birth scary. So many things (good and bad) can happen and you just don’t know what your path is going to be. 

This week I’m sharing Will’s birth story because, again to my shock, it was surprisingly positive. So often you hear the horror stories which can lead to fear and anxiety for expecting mothers. I found that birth (at least a smooth, complication free one like mine) was nothing to be afraid and hopefully this post can ease some fears around what it can be like to deliver a baby.

Induction 

When I got pregnant I never thought I’d make it the full 40 weeks. But as the weeks progressed all signs pointed to a full term birth. At my 39 week doctor appointment by OB suggested we induce if the baby wasn’t here by my due date (Aug. 27) and I agreed. I was finding the watching and waiting exhausting, and was so uncomfortable I needed to give myself and “end date.” A target to work towards.

On August 29, after waking up from the last restful sleep I’d get in a long while, Ted and I got the call that our hospital room was ready and that we could come in. Let me tell you that is a weird call to get. “Okay you can come have your baby now.” I was both excited and nervous !   

Here We Go

Walking into the L&D ward, I remember internally freaking out. I both wanted and didn’t want the baby to come out. I was scared. But with birth there’s no way out, you have to be brave and move forward.

Fortunately when I came to the hospital I was already 3cm dilated, so my doctor broke my water. The water breaking was surreal and surprisingly painless. First of all I had no idea there was that much liquid in the amniotic sac, the water literally gushed out. The water also felt like a warm bath had just exploded all over me (it was quite nice actually).

After my water was broken, the Pitocin started and I got mini contractions. Each time I’d have a contraction I would feel more liquid gush out as well – I never expected birth to be so….wet….but it really is. Sorry to be gross but this is birth after all.

The early contractions, for me, felt just like period cramps that increasingly got worse. As they grew stronger and stronger I started squirming around from the pain. You really do have to breath through them and try to force your body to relax to work through the pain. They let me labor on my own for a few hours and slowly increased the Pitocin to get my body to produce regularly timed contractions. We did this for about five hours and I was starting to get very tired and weary from the pain. 

A kind nurse came in and asked if I was ready for the epidural. It’s important to get it before the pain gets too bad because you have to be able to sit still for the procedure. For some reason I was so hesitant to get the epidural. I don’t know what I was holding out for, I felt guilty for “caving in” early. Fortunately, I quickly came to my senses and agreed to the epidural. Best decision ever.

Epidural 

The epidural itself wasn’t as scary of a procedure as I thought it was going to be. You feel a bee sting like pinching from the numbing agent and then an uncomfortable pressure as the needle goes in your spine. My nurse let me hold (squeeze) both her hands while they put the epidural in. Within about fifteen minutes I felt a little woozy and the numbing begin. My legs just started to feel like jelly, but I could still move them if I really focused on it. I’m so so so glad that I got the epidural because immediately after getting it the edge of the pain was taken away and I felt my body relax. 

I hadn’t dilated any further during those five hours of laboring without pain meds, but after the epidural the dilation happened fast. This can happen a lot after an epidural because for some women it relaxes their bodies so it can focus on opening. For the rest of labor I was able to lightly nap and conserve strength for when pushing time would come. 

Ten Centimeters 

Around midnight my doctor came in to check on my progress and as she was checking I saw her eyes go large and she said “your ready! Rest up you push in an hour.” This is when I started panicking. Pushing ? I remember thinking no one has taught me how to push, how do I push? What do I do? I hadn’t worked out much in my pregnancy other than going on daily walks and wasn’t sure I was strong enough to do it. 

Luckily a nurse is with you the whole time once you start pushing and guides you. My nurse’s name was Jackie and let me tell you she was an angel. With her and Ted by my side I started pushing and they cheered me on. During the pushing phase there’s a lot of cheering, coaching, and egging on to help give the pushing mama motivation. Let me tell you, its very needed!

Pushing

Pushing was one of the hardest and most empowering experiences of my life. The epidural dulls the fiery pain of delivering, but it does nothing against the strong pressure I felt as my baby made his way down. I literally felt like my bones and skin were going to break from the pressure of him coming down. While pushing I found myself grunting and making whatever sounds I needed to get him out. I literally roared this child into life! I pushed for two hours with the coaching of nurses and during the last hour I don’t even remember what was happening around me. I was so laser focused on pushing because I knew the only way to end this was to keep pushing forward. 

I pushed for two hours and at 4:01am William came into the world. The immense feeling of relief, the sudden disappearance of the pressure, and the raw emotion of that moment was one of the best feelings of my entire life. Its almost like an out of body experience and I remember them placing William on my chest and just looking down in shock and awe at this fully formed human being that came out of me. 

Recovery 

I found the recovery experience to be the most humbling. After being wheeled out of of the delivery room I was met with two nurses who helped me go into the bathroom to help clean me up. Everything was raw, swollen, still bleeding. I could hardly stand up because I had lost so much blood and was near fainting. I will never forget the tenderness and kindness of those nurses as they helped carry me to bed. I know it’s their job, but the compassion and care I received from them made me feel safe and nurtured, which was something that I needed to feel so I could in turn learn how to nurture the new baby I had brought into the world. 

My Experience

Overall I found my birthing experience to be a powerful one. It was both great and terrible. It hurt, it was scary, but it also showed me the amazing power of my own body and my mental resolve. 

On my Instagram I shared a quote that I remember echoing in my mind while pushing: 

“You are pregnant and you are powerful. You are bold and you are beautiful. Go forward in your boldness, in your beauty and in your contentedness. Trust your body to birth and know that the collective power of women worldwide will be with you.”

The “collective power of women worldwide will be with you” I truly felt that while pushing. I thought of my mom and the women in my family before me and came through this knowing that now I can do anything that I set my mind to. 

I also have such gratitude for the medical professionals that helped me along the way. My OB, the nurses, the technicians always made me feel safe. I can’t believe these people work to bring new life into the world every day. They are truly special. 

So that was my personal experience! Like with conception, and pregnancy itself, you don’t know what your path is going to be and honestly a lot of it is just luck of the draw.  I’m just so grateful that my experience was safe, healthy, and that Will is now in my arms.