I haven’t blogged in a long time – truthfully i just can’t keep up with it these days. And that’s okay because all of my free time is spent with this amazing little boy right here. My Will. But now while he naps, I have to take a moment do mark his first birthday and share a few thoughts on this first year of motherhood.
How is my baby one years old? It fees just like yesterday that Ted and I waddled (well Ted walked, I definitely waddled) in the hospital for my induction with Will. I had a very positive delivery experience, one that I still think about and wish I could relive as strange as that sounds. I used to wonder how women described the day their children were born as one of the best days of their lives. In my mind I thought , how can that be, you were in pain and it hurt? But oh I didn’t understand the feelings that come with birth. The amazing high of happiness that you feel when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. The roaring power you feel from those post partum hormones that make you feel like you’ve just conquered the world, and in a way you have. You’ve created life, there’s nothing more amazing than that.
A year later I never could have anticipated the amazing year we’ve had or the mother that I’ve become. I’ve been emotional all these week’s leading up to Will’s first birthday. I knew how precious this first year was going to be and I made sure to document as much as I could. My phone is filled with tens of thousands of photos and videos and when I look back at them I feel so much awe, pride, sadness, joy, wonder at what’s to come, and even a sense of loss. My baby is now officially a toddler. He’s grown big and strong. He’s developed skills and is becoming smarter by the day. I’m excited to see him grow, but also want to freeze time so he never loses his baby softness and rolls.
I’m still learning as a new mom. Every week, each month brings new challenges and things to learn about but so far here are the top things I’ve learned:
1. Nothing can prepare you for how much your life will change after parenthood. You of course expect changes, but I don’t think you can anticipate how its really going to feel until it your baby is here.Those first few weeks are jarring and its natural to mourn your old life in the beginning. But life after Will is even better. With him I feel more alive, more present. Children help you live in the moment and its something I didn’t know I needed.
2. You will sleep again. Yes you will. Will was a horrible sleeper the first four months of life. I had to baby wear and co-sleep and for about three months rand an on two to three broken hours of sleep a night. He now sleeps 11 hours a night and is the world’s best napper – he just needed to be held those early months and I don’t regret a single second I spent holding him. Folks would tell me I was creating bad habits and they were wrong. My son needed to be held as he got used to the world, and I cherish the memories we have cuddling.
3. What you plan and what you end up doing are so different. This applies to everything (sleeping, feeding) but for me especially with breastfeeding. When I first started breastfeeding I hated it. I felt trapped and remember saying only two months and I’m done. Well this mama made it all the way to nine months before she stopped breastfeeding and I’m so glad I stuck with it. It was one of the best things I did for my child and I am now such a lover of breastfeeding. I never thought I would have made it as long as I did and am so proud of our journey!
4. You will change. I am a different person than who I was a year ago. Baby’s change and grow so much the first year, but so do their mothers. My priorities are different, what I choose to give my energy to has changed, and I’m “softer” now. Both physically and mentally – I’m more emotional than I was and find myself more empathetic to others. They say after pregnancy you’re brain is rewired so you can become a better “carer” and for me at least its true. In my mind now, everyone is someone’s baby, someone’s child and its made me more patient and kind to remember people in this way.
5. You can do the hard things you never thought were possible. Giving birth, never sleeping, breastfeeding, giving the first bottle, going back to work, introducing solids. Before Will, I didn’t even know how to change a diaper. Before each new thing, I remember thinking how am I going to do this. I have no idea what I’m doing and I’ve accepted that this feeling will continue. But before you know it you’re a pro and doing all the things you were frantically googling at 2am the night before. You’re going to look back in awe in how much you’ve learned and grown in the first year.
Also a few other nuggest of wisdom:
- You’re not going to sleep with the baby sleeps.
- Don’t throw out all your jeans if they don’t fit a few months postpartum, it really does take a year for your body to settle.
- Take 134138741938 photos, you’re not going to regret it.
- Keep up on your baby book.
- Talk to you mama friends, they will get you through.
- Sleep training really works (when its age appropriate).
- Ask for help when you need it.
Life now is filled with more exhaustion, less calm, and less order than before and I’ve never been so happy. I love life with Will. I love life with a child and though our journey to parenthood was a hard one it was worth everything. So this week we celebrate our little boy, his miracle life, and look forward to seeing him grow. Thank you for coming into the world little one, and for making me the mama I am today.
